I have so many ideas, thoughts, emotions, flying around in my head. I know you probably thought that I forgot about you, that I didn't have time to write. This is not the case.
I just have had no clear post in mind. Nothing that would make one, flowing, intelligent blogpost.
And I think that's my problem.
I want it to be intelligent.
Let me start by saying Madeleine L'Engle.
This summer has been spent between working, reading books that I want to read (I know.. what a novel idea...), hanging out with friends, throwing dinner parties, and getting things for school.
The biggest deal, though, is the fact that I don't have to catch up on any school this summer. I'm free. and that's a fantastic feeling.
I just finished To Kill A Mockingbird (omgsh amazing), I read an Agatha Christie, caught up on all of my Kinfolk magazines, and am now reading A Circle of Quiet by L'Engle, Antigone, and King Lear.
While reading A Circle of Quiet this afternoon, I came across a section about self-consciousness and what it has to do with creativity. The section that I want to share with you expresses perfectly my feelings about this idea in a way that I wish I could emulate. And yes. I'm going to share the entire quote with you, thus going against all writing rules.
"When we are self-conscious, we cannot be wholly aware; we must throw ourselves out first. This throwing ourselves away is the act of creativity. So, when we wholly concentrate, like a child in play, or an artist at work, then we share in the act of creating We not only escape time, we also escape our self-conscious selves.
The Greeks had a word for ultimate self-consciousness which I find illuminating: hubris: pride: pride in the sense of putting oneself in the center of the universe. The strange and terrible thing is that this kind of total self-consciousness invariably ends in self-annihilation. The great tragedians have always understood this, from Sophocles to Shakespeare. We witness it in history in such people as Tiberius, Eva Peron, Hitler.
I was timid about putting forth most of these thoughts, but this kind of timidity is itself a form of pride. The moment that humility becomes self-conscious, it becomes hubris. One cannot be humble and aware of oneself at the same time. Therefore, the act of creating- painting a picture, sining a song, writing a story- is a humble act? This was a new thought to me. Humility is throwing oneself away in complete concentration on something or someone else."
OH there is so much more to this quote. And I would put it all down here, however I think this is the time for an endorsement for this book. GO. Read it. Have the world make more sense.
Or at least have my world make more sense.
So all that to say. Happy summer. Excuse me while I go try to not be self-conscious. Meanwhile, Here's one of my favorite songs right now.
So yesterday at church my pastor was talking about those pauses we feel before a change God is bringing. Our sermon series right now is focusing on the appearances Christ made after his resurrection. It's a wonderful series, just seeing God show himself to his followers who were so broken. Anyway, yesterday's sermon was based on John 21: 1-14, when Jesus appeared to the disciples on the Sea of Galilee. Anyway, I was just thinking this morning about what my pastor said about the pauses.
I feel paused. Paused, yet still moving. I am in the same place I have been in for the last year, but I feel that quiver of something new coming. I'm ridiculously busy, but I feel paused. I'm waiting for God to press the play button.
This morning my mom emailed me an article and I wanted to share a part that really stuck out to me.
"Do you get it? The point of being Christian is not to be super-spritual. It's to be re-humanized. Returned to our God-given, human task of loving Him and loving others."
^^I forget this a lot.
Saturday night, my friends and I had a bonfire. We're all done our outside classes, so getting together that night was kind of a victory statement of "Holla! We're done! We've arrived! We're still friends after all these years of dying at the hands of school!" lots of singing, laughing and dancing around while eating pizza.
Favorite outfit of the day. I'm excited to move to New York.
I just got back from a youth group retreat, and this is one of songs we sang over the weekend. I know this song well, but it hit me (hard) again:: how much He loves us.
