A New Life, it's exhausting.

Well-- the past three months that I have been ignoring this blog have been CRAY.

I'm living in New York City.

I live across from Macy's.

I go to college.

WHAT?!

I know it's completely crazy.

I love it here. My roommates are great, my house is great, my school is great, my professors are great, new york is great.

I have never been so homesick in my life. The last month has been better homesick wise than it was when I first moved in. However, even though it sucks, I'm really thankful for this feeling.
I have had to cling to the Lord like never before. I'm finally starting to make friends here, but the first month I was kind of lonely (*besides having my roommates etc).
It's amazing how the Lord answers your prayers.
I have seen, in the past three months, God bless me EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. in such obvious, tangible ways. I've realized that I have no room to complain because the Lord is providing.

In my Introduction to Old Testament Literature class we've been reading through Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers (et al) and it's hit me like never before How Much the Israelites Complained! EVERY DAY. No matter how YHWH provided they still found ways to be discontent and to complain! It's ridiculous.

I don't want to be an Israelite. 

This is my goal every day: don't complain, the Lord provides. && Love Unconditionally.

Here are some highlights of my life::

• hanging out with my roommates families when we moved in
• getting to know the girls in my house via the great race (dislike: all the running and getting pooped on by a seagull on Cony Island)

my roommates: Alex and Erika. I love them

• Shake Shack
• roommate family dinners
• Cafe Lalo with the roomies
• labor day brunch with my cousin
• labor day dinner with the guys
• Fashion Night Out with the best girls
• my friends Amber and Tyler getting married (such a beautiful event and it also meant I got to go home)
• All the mail I get from my family
• going out for my Big's birthday
• drama comp
• SNL with friends. to see JOSEPH GORDON LEVITT AND MUMFORD AND SONS. it was a highlight of my life.
• my mommy visiting
• high school friends coming to visit for the day/ seeing my sister/ seeing my best friend derek
• FALL BREAK
• presidential debates=food and friends
• sunday lunch in central park with my girl Alex
• dinner in the LowerEastSide with Jon, Alex and Chandler
• walks by myself in central park
• Lydia's birthday dinner
• helping with Inviso
• the MET with Erika, Bethany and Alex
• Hurricane Sandy
• seeing Jimmy Fallon
• All Movie Nights
• SEEING NEWSIES and winning the lottery for it
• Serendipity with friends
• Redeemer church

and that's not even scratching the surface. 

the Lord is so good.

The Age of Anti-heroes and A Point of Reference

"But this is the Age, among other things, of the Anti-hero. This is the Age of Do-it-yourself; Do-it-yourself oil paintings: Just Follow the Numbers; Do-it-yourself Home Organ Lessons; Do-it-yourself Instant Culture.
But I can't do it myself. I need a hero. Sometimes I have pretty shoddy ones, as I have chosen faulty mirrors in which to see myself. But a hero I must have. A hero shows me what fallible man, despite and even with his faults, can do: I can do anything: not as much of a paradox as it might seem.
In looking towards a hero, we are less restricted and curtailed in our own lives. A hero provides us with a point of reference." -Madeleine L'Engle. A Circle of Quiet, p. 180

In light of the Olympics going on at the moment, this quote stuck out to me. I sat in Prince Street Cafe, my littlest sister sitting across from me reading The Hard Winter, pondering the idea of having a hero and trying to figure out who mine was. Sure, Team USA is inspiring but are they my heroes?
I don't think so.
There are many people I admire and look up to, but I don't know if, according to L'Engle's definition, they qualifies as my "hero".
I agree with L'Engle in all of these. I'm not a do it yourselfer. I do need others to do things that I cannot do. I like the idea of a hero being a "fallible man doing, despite his faults, things I cannot". However, I don't think I have that "one person" that I look up to, that I strive to be like, that I idolize.

There it is. I think in my head, I view having a hero the same as an idol. There are many people in my life that can do things that I cannot; That are fallible, and yet I see the Grace of God in their life and the things they can do as a blessing in this way. I feel this paradox and it's shaping me into the person that I'm becoming. So Yes, I don't have one "hero", I have many people in my life that I admire, thus shaping me into...me. 
So thank you Dad, Mom, Mrs. Jones, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Madeleine L'Engle, C.S.Lewis, Audrey Hepburn, Joy, Danika, Susannah, Kinfolk, My FamilyFriendsForever(you know who you are), Billy Collins, Burberry, New York, Wheatland.. for shaping me into the person that I am becoming and for being my point of reference.

Inspiration is Key #2

I've made another list of things that I'm inspired by. Here it is:

#1- Madeleine L'Engle

#2- Hebrews 7:24-25

#3- The Dictionary

#4- This Song

#5- Kate Middleton

#6- Olly Murs

#7- The Olympics

#8- Lauren Conrad

#9- My New Camera(!)

#10- The Fact That I have 19 Days Until I Move To New York City. (AH!)

Dancing and Silin

this accurately shows my reaction to today (found on photo bucket)

Today is an exciting today. Life is good. The sun is shining. The sky is blue. It's not too hot outside. I'm headed up to New York City (!) tomorrow on the train. and I FINISHED HIGH SCHOOL TODAY.

I am so happy.

The last thing I had to do today in order to be done was to finish reading the last book in my church history class called Turning Points by Mark A. Noll. I have to say that it wasn't my favorite. It was ok but not the best. HOWEVER the last part of the book was worth reading all 315 pages. I wanted to share it with you. I had never heard about this man, however I do know about Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, and this unknown man was known by Solzhenitsyn.

"If the survival of Christianity under Communist regimes comes to be regarded as a major turning point of the twentieth century, it will be because the church as a whole takes to heart the witness of believers like Anatoly Vasilyevich Silin. Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn was drawn to Silin during his own incarceration in the 1950s, because of the dedication to poetic composition he shared with Silin. Silin was raise with atheist instruction in an orphanage but then found Christian books while in a German prisoner-of-war camp during the Second World War. That slight acquaintance was enough to set him on a life of dedicated Christian witness. When Solzhenitsyn met him, Silin had spent his entire adult life in the camps. With no formal training, almost no access to religious books or even other believers, Silin went on writing and memorizing poems in his head, which he could recite at great length when he found a sympathetic listener like Solzhenitsyn. Untutored, untrained, persecuted, usually along, Silin could yet rise to supernal heights of theological reasoning. He believed, for instance, that Christ suffered, not only to atone for human sins, but because God himself, out of pure love to his creatures, wanted to experience the full measure of human suffering. Silin could express a serene theodicy, or explanation for the existence of evil in the world:

Does God, who is Perfect Love, allow
This imperfection in our lives?
The soul must suffer first, to know
The forfeit bliss of paradise...
Harsh is the law, but to obey
Is for weak men the only way
To win eternal peace.

According to Solzhenitsyn, Silin also displayed a gentle meekness to all who crossed his path, despite the extraordinary harshness of his lot.
... A hint as to how Christianity survived under Communist oppression, as well as a suggestion why the reasons for that survival could define a turning point in the world history of Christianity, are contained in part of what Solzhenitsyn reported about his friend Anatoly Vasilyevich Silin.

'Before the war Anatoly Vasilyevich had graduated from a teacher' college, where he had specialized in literature. Like me, he now had about three years left before his "release" to a place of banishment. His only training was as a teacher of literature in schools. It seemed rather improbable that ex-prisoners like us would be allowed into schools. But if we were- what then.
"I won't put lies into children's heads! I shall tell the children the truth about God and the life of the Spirit."
"But they'll take you away after the first lesson."
Silin lowered his head and answered quietly: "Let them."' "

WOAH. Considering that his man had no formal training in the gospel and, as it sounds, no Bible even, His Faith Was So Strong. I'm so inspired by this man who had nothing, yet would do anything to spread the world of the Lord. My Mind= BLOWN.

The last thing that really got to me at the end of this book was this final quote:
"The church survives by the grace of God, not because of the wisdom, purity, or consistent faithfulness of Christians."


What a merciful Father we have! He doesn't need us, but out of His grace and mercy, He continues the church so that we may be in awe of Him, Glorify Him and Enjoy Him Forever.

Well. This is my last post as a high school student. Whatever the next post will be, it will be as a free woman. After August 25th, any post will be as a college student.

This is what I want my summer to look like.

SOLI DEO GLORIA.

inspiration is key

I've made a list. A list of what I'm inspired by Right.Now.

Here it is:

#1- Psalm 46:10

#2- John and Idelette Calvin

#3- New York City

#4- Emma Stone

#5- Madeleine L'Engle

#6- C.S. Lewis

#7- my Fred Astaire Pandora Station

#8- My Blog: An Ode To Glitter

#9- Church History.. History in general

#10- This album

What inspires you right now? Tell the world below.

“Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it.” -C.S.Lewis, Mere Christianity

quote tiiiiime

I'm sorry that I've been a bit absent recently, I've been very busy and have not been very inspired. But I thought I'd stop by quick and post a photo I found on pinterest that I just happened to read in Weight of Glory by C.S.Lewis. I'm in love with this:

Pursuit of Knowledge and Beauty

"I mean the pursuit of knowledge and beauty, in a sense, for their own sake, but in a sense which does not exclude their being for God's sake. An appetite for these things exists in the human mind, and God makes no appetite in vain. We can therefore pursue knowledge as such, and beauty as such, in the sure confidence that by so doing we are either advancing to the vision of God ourselves or indirectly helping others to do so." -C.S.Lewis

Re-Humanizing. And Paused.

So yesterday at church my pastor was talking about those pauses we feel before a change God is bringing. Our sermon series right now is focusing on the appearances Christ made after his resurrection. It's a wonderful series, just seeing God show himself to his followers who were so broken. Anyway, yesterday's sermon was based on John 21: 1-14, when Jesus appeared to the disciples on the Sea of Galilee. Anyway, I was just thinking this morning about what my pastor said about the pauses.
I feel paused. Paused, yet still moving. I am in the same place I have been in for the last year, but I feel that quiver of something new coming. I'm ridiculously busy, but I feel paused. I'm waiting for God to press the play button.

This morning my mom emailed me an article and I wanted to share a part that really stuck out to me.

"Do you get it? The point of being Christian is not to be super-spritual. It's to be re-humanized. Returned to our God-given, human task of loving Him and loving others."

^^I forget this a lot.

Saturday night, my friends and I had a bonfire. We're all done our outside classes, so getting together that night was kind of a victory statement of "Holla! We're done! We've arrived! We're still friends after all these years of dying at the hands of school!" lots of singing, laughing and dancing around while eating pizza.

Favorite outfit of the day. I'm excited to move to New York.

Song of the Week.

Thanks for reading my random thoughts.

Have a fantastic Monday....now. back to school.

Senior Year Say What?! and elephants

My friend Aubrey and I: LAST DAY OF CLASSES. We so excited.

It's May. I can't believe that it's May already. I've slowly been crossing things off of my "Things To Do Before I Graduate" List:
















•Senior Prom

Last choir concert with three of my best friends: Amy, Derek and Anya

•Finish HATS (my co-op)
•Last Choir concert with CLCHM
•Last Carnival before leaving for school
•Finish Math
•Write a 10pager
•Finish little school work
•Pick a graduate date

I'm soooooooo close. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
That being said, I feel a little sentimental right now. I shed quite a few tears last night at my choir concert. My director always recognizes the seniors and gives them a rose in front of everyone. I've been waiting for my turn for FOREVER and when I finally went, I bawled. I gave ten years of my life to this event... and now it's over. so weird.
I was looking at photos from past choir and hats social events and started feeling sad that it's over. What good, sweet, joyous times I've had. What wonderful people I've been privileged to have in my life. I'm so incredibly thankful. God has blessed me so much! I can't believe a new chapter is about to begin.
that being said... I didn't get the scholarship that I tried out for. I was devastated but as time has gone on, I'm starting to see how God is working through this. And the praise is that I have all next year paid for. NEW YORK HERE I COME.

Last day of classes!!!! YAY

Senior Prom: Awesome Juniors

SP

Carnival! With my sister Maggie, her friend Gabby, and our "cousin" Delaney

Aubs and Joylee

my besties: Susannah and Danika

Last weekend was girls night with my besties. Susannah and Danika are the best. We spent the evening talking in Susannah's kitchen while eating hotdogs and cookie dough and drinking cranberry juice (our favs), watching movies, and laughing on her bed. It was one of the those things that we value so much but weren't able to do in a while cuz of life. It was so necessary and long in coming. I love them.

In other news: I'm in love with elephants right now. I mean seriously. They're the cutest.

The Recognition of Who God Is is a Lifelong Process

Is it normal to be this distraught over the fact that I only have twenty pages left in my journal?

...well... hopefully it is. I'm pretty upset.

The last time I kept a journal was during my freshman year of high school. The only reason I haven't burned it yet is because I want to give it to a future daughter to show her how stupid I was and (hopefully) to help her avoid making the same mistakes I did. If I wasn't saving it for that reason.. it would be gone by now.
It took me awhile to come back to journaling. I just felt stupid every time I tried, afraid that I was going to be shallow and lame and only write about how my day was and boys and etc.
But in February of 2011, I was apparently really depressed and I found this journal that my grandmother had given me and I wrote this poem. I also wrote this quote beside the poem: "We learn to look to the past to see the victory He's won and we look to the future with hope."
This quote isn't just about the Bible and our walk with the Lord, but I think it also sums up my journal. I look back every now and then to see if I wrote anything on the specific day, and it's so encouraging to see how much I've grown. I've grown in my relationship with the Lord, my understanding of Him, and my knowledge of life.
My journal is full of quotes that I find inspiring, Bible verses, poems and stories that I have written in order to get my feelings out. It's full of joy and sorrow, songs and screams. I don't write in it every day. I only write when I feel inspired or down trodden. But the Lord has met me there, in this little red book.

Elizabeth Elliot said that "the recognition of who God is is a lifelong process." C.S. Lewis also said that "when you come to know God, the initiative lies on his side. If he does not show himself, nothing you can do will enable you to find him."
It is through this book and my writing down my thoughts and desires that I have continued this life-long process. And, by answering my prayers, God has shown himself to me through this book.

I think that's why I am so sad that I'm almost finished. Of course, I'm excited to see what the Lord will do in my life during this next year and what He will show me while I write in the new moleskin I just bought. But I'm sad to finish this chapter of growth.
Unlike the journal that I kept in ninth grade, I will NOT be contemplating burning this book. This one will have a loving home on my shelf. Unlike the journal written freshman year, This book will be going to college with me.

Do you have a little red book? What has the Lord been showing you recently?
love, CA

Solet'ssettheWorldonFire....at King's...

I am inspired by women of God. I am inspired by good writing. I'm inspired by a love for beauty and knowledge. I am encouraged by women of God. I'm encouraged by good writing. I'm encouraged by beauty and knowledge. I'm encouraged by walks and talks and coffee dates. I'm encouraged by being silly and dancing around a kitchen to music turned up.

I'm Encouraged and Inspired by my best friend.

Meet my best friend.

Tonight was spent with Joy Louise, listening to a poet recite his poetry and talk about literature and the importance of it, and drinking coffee and talking about God and College and God.

I am so thankful that we are both pursuing the same college. We have been on this long journey of school and searching for school and searching for our identity in Christ together since 8th grade. This journey to King's has been so hard and so good and I am so so so so thankful that Joy was on this journey with me. We have laughed about school and cried about school and prayed about school together. She called me the minute she found out who her roommates were and I called her when I found out mine. We've talked about our houses, the pros and cons of school, what church to go to, and whether or not we should live together (we decided not).

We read Wendell Berry together

The calm before the storm was tonight (which is ironic since it was pouring this evening). Tomorrow the last group of kids trying for the Founders' Scholarship goes. After tomorrow we could find out any day what our financial situation looks like. After tomorrow we find out what God is going to do with our lives.

(AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH)

We edit each other's papers. and drink coffee

this is her cat.

So, Thank you Lord for everything you are going to do after tomorrow. And Thank you for Joilee.

after tomorrow.. my life will be completely different. Lord, Your story is perfect. *big sigh*

we do weird things..like put nutella on peeps...

love-C.

Die so you can Live

CHRIST IS RISEN!!!

Happy day after Easter :) I hope you all had a blessed day full of Jesus' resurrection and brightly colored eggs. Maybe some chocolate bunnies too. I wanted to share some thoughts from the sermon my pastor preached on sunday. I was struck when he said that we take the fact that Jesus raised from the grave for granted. We have lost the joy of the resurrection! It's so true! I don't think about the resurrection half as much as I should, let alone let it effect my life the way it should. The gospel should fill us with joy and awe everyday (as should faith and repentance). Something else my pastor talked about was the distinction between travelers and tourists. Daniel J. Boorstin says "The traveler was active; he went strenuously in search of people, of adventure, of experience. The tourist is passive; he expects interesting things to happen to him. He goes 'sight-seeing'" G. K. Chesterton also tackles this subject by stating that "the traveler sees what he sees, the tourist sees what he has come to see". My pastor said that travelers immerse themselves the in culture, learn the language and is apart of the place they go to when a tourist barely learns the language and collects stories and souvenirs to take home with them. He compared this idea to the idea of disciples vs believers. We have stopped calling christians "disciples" and instead call them "believers" now. A disciple is a traveler, he immerses himself in the Word and lives it out, learning the language and customs. A believer is a tourist, just passing though, collecting $200 at Go and taking stories back home. I want to be a Traveler, I want to be a Disciple. <- new challenge. If the resurrection is real, than we need to stop being tourists and become avid travelers.

The rest of Easter was spent eating ham, collecting eggs, wearing pretty dresses, and telling my family about my china trip.

Maggie and I egg hunting

my bestie, Danika, and I at church

HAPPY MONDAY EVERYONE!!!

xoxoME

Spring is a Comin.

Hello. I feel a little guilty for not writing in so long. It's quiet unacceptable. My friend from school (oh yes TKC is where it's AT), Jesse Scott Owen, (say his name aloud. I dare you. It's fun), told me that I need to blog more. Sheepishly, I agree with him. I told him that I really have nothing to say, but than it hit me. That wasn't the point of this blog. I just like writing what I'm learning, seeing, doing, loving. THAT is the point. To put a little bit of beauty and thought out there. So I'm back, although I'll be leaving just as quickly. I leave for the country of China next Wednesday. and I'll be there for two weeks. Oh don't worry. I will fill you all in when I get back.

So I got an iPhone. It's white and beautiful and I've named it Lou....Ithink. It's a very hard decision.

I've been spending a lot of time at CHC, reading my butt off. I have so much reading. I don't really mind though, I LOVE reading, so when I get to do it for good reason, I'm completely happy.

New babies are in the neighborhood, which is so happy. and more to come which makes me very excited. Hopefully they don't come AFTER I leave for school. *fingers crossed*

Spending time with the bestie is so encouraging. I'm so thankful for My Joi. And I'm so thankful that we're going to King's together. *insert happy dance here*

My sister Maggie and I have been getting super close, which is awesome since we had a rocky start (I was very disappointed that she wasn't a boy when she was born and I kind of held it against her for a couple years.... like she had any say in the matter..) She's growing into a beautiful young lady of God. I love watching her grow up.

I've also been spending a lot of time with this boy here. This kid is my absolute favorite. His dad is my youth pastor and his mom is a mentor. My best friend Susannah and I spend a lot of time at this adorable boy's house with his mom. The three of us also go out a lot with another youth leader. I love those three women so so so so so so much. This year would be so so completely different if they weren't here. They have kept me going throughout the wait for August. Thank you, Lord, for blessing me with these women.

Well, I guess that's all for now. I hope you enjoyed a little look into what my life looks like right now :) Blessings.

A Proverb Kinda Day

Whoever pursues righteousness and kindness will find life, righteousness, and honor. -Proverbs 21:21