The Age of Anti-heroes and A Point of Reference

"But this is the Age, among other things, of the Anti-hero. This is the Age of Do-it-yourself; Do-it-yourself oil paintings: Just Follow the Numbers; Do-it-yourself Home Organ Lessons; Do-it-yourself Instant Culture.
But I can't do it myself. I need a hero. Sometimes I have pretty shoddy ones, as I have chosen faulty mirrors in which to see myself. But a hero I must have. A hero shows me what fallible man, despite and even with his faults, can do: I can do anything: not as much of a paradox as it might seem.
In looking towards a hero, we are less restricted and curtailed in our own lives. A hero provides us with a point of reference." -Madeleine L'Engle. A Circle of Quiet, p. 180

In light of the Olympics going on at the moment, this quote stuck out to me. I sat in Prince Street Cafe, my littlest sister sitting across from me reading The Hard Winter, pondering the idea of having a hero and trying to figure out who mine was. Sure, Team USA is inspiring but are they my heroes?
I don't think so.
There are many people I admire and look up to, but I don't know if, according to L'Engle's definition, they qualifies as my "hero".
I agree with L'Engle in all of these. I'm not a do it yourselfer. I do need others to do things that I cannot do. I like the idea of a hero being a "fallible man doing, despite his faults, things I cannot". However, I don't think I have that "one person" that I look up to, that I strive to be like, that I idolize.

There it is. I think in my head, I view having a hero the same as an idol. There are many people in my life that can do things that I cannot; That are fallible, and yet I see the Grace of God in their life and the things they can do as a blessing in this way. I feel this paradox and it's shaping me into the person that I'm becoming. So Yes, I don't have one "hero", I have many people in my life that I admire, thus shaping me into...me. 
So thank you Dad, Mom, Mrs. Jones, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Madeleine L'Engle, C.S.Lewis, Audrey Hepburn, Joy, Danika, Susannah, Kinfolk, My FamilyFriendsForever(you know who you are), Billy Collins, Burberry, New York, Wheatland.. for shaping me into the person that I am becoming and for being my point of reference.

Inspiration is Key #2

I've made another list of things that I'm inspired by. Here it is:

#1- Madeleine L'Engle

#2- Hebrews 7:24-25

#3- The Dictionary

#4- This Song

#5- Kate Middleton

#6- Olly Murs

#7- The Olympics

#8- Lauren Conrad

#9- My New Camera(!)

#10- The Fact That I have 19 Days Until I Move To New York City. (AH!)

Hubris and a Good Time

I have so many ideas, thoughts, emotions, flying around in my head. I know you probably thought that I forgot about you, that I didn't have time to write. This is not the case.
I just have had no clear post in mind. Nothing that would make one, flowing, intelligent blogpost.
And I think that's my problem.
I want it to be intelligent.

Let me start by saying Madeleine L'Engle.

This summer has been spent between working, reading books that I want to read (I know.. what a novel idea...), hanging out with friends, throwing dinner parties, and getting things for school.
The biggest deal, though, is the fact that I don't have to catch up on any school this summer. I'm free. and that's a fantastic feeling.
I just finished To Kill A Mockingbird (omgsh amazing), I read an Agatha Christie, caught up on all of my Kinfolk magazines, and am now reading A Circle of Quiet by L'Engle, Antigone, and King Lear.

While reading A Circle of Quiet this afternoon, I came across a section about self-consciousness and what it has to do with creativity. The section that I want to share with you expresses perfectly my feelings about this idea in a way that I wish I could emulate. And yes. I'm going to share the entire quote with you, thus going against all writing rules.

"When we are self-conscious, we cannot be wholly aware; we must throw ourselves out first. This throwing ourselves away is the act of creativity. So, when we wholly concentrate, like a child in play, or an artist at work, then we share in the act of creating We not only escape time, we also escape our self-conscious selves.
The Greeks had a word for ultimate self-consciousness which I find illuminating: hubris: pride: pride in the sense of putting oneself in the center of the universe. The strange and terrible thing is that this kind of total self-consciousness invariably ends in self-annihilation. The great tragedians have always understood this, from Sophocles to Shakespeare. We witness it in history in such people as Tiberius, Eva Peron, Hitler.
I was timid about putting forth most of these thoughts, but this kind of timidity is itself a form of pride. The moment that humility becomes self-conscious, it becomes hubris. One cannot be humble and aware of oneself at the same time. Therefore, the act of creating- painting a picture, sining a song, writing a story- is a humble act? This was a new thought to me. Humility is throwing oneself away in complete concentration on something or someone else."

OH there is so much more to this quote. And I would put it all down here, however I think this is the time for an endorsement for this book. GO. Read it. Have the world make more sense.
Or at least have my world make more sense.

So all that to say. Happy summer. Excuse me while I go try to not be self-conscious. Meanwhile, Here's one of my favorite songs right now.

Dancing and Silin

this accurately shows my reaction to today (found on photo bucket)

Today is an exciting today. Life is good. The sun is shining. The sky is blue. It's not too hot outside. I'm headed up to New York City (!) tomorrow on the train. and I FINISHED HIGH SCHOOL TODAY.

I am so happy.

The last thing I had to do today in order to be done was to finish reading the last book in my church history class called Turning Points by Mark A. Noll. I have to say that it wasn't my favorite. It was ok but not the best. HOWEVER the last part of the book was worth reading all 315 pages. I wanted to share it with you. I had never heard about this man, however I do know about Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, and this unknown man was known by Solzhenitsyn.

"If the survival of Christianity under Communist regimes comes to be regarded as a major turning point of the twentieth century, it will be because the church as a whole takes to heart the witness of believers like Anatoly Vasilyevich Silin. Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn was drawn to Silin during his own incarceration in the 1950s, because of the dedication to poetic composition he shared with Silin. Silin was raise with atheist instruction in an orphanage but then found Christian books while in a German prisoner-of-war camp during the Second World War. That slight acquaintance was enough to set him on a life of dedicated Christian witness. When Solzhenitsyn met him, Silin had spent his entire adult life in the camps. With no formal training, almost no access to religious books or even other believers, Silin went on writing and memorizing poems in his head, which he could recite at great length when he found a sympathetic listener like Solzhenitsyn. Untutored, untrained, persecuted, usually along, Silin could yet rise to supernal heights of theological reasoning. He believed, for instance, that Christ suffered, not only to atone for human sins, but because God himself, out of pure love to his creatures, wanted to experience the full measure of human suffering. Silin could express a serene theodicy, or explanation for the existence of evil in the world:

Does God, who is Perfect Love, allow
This imperfection in our lives?
The soul must suffer first, to know
The forfeit bliss of paradise...
Harsh is the law, but to obey
Is for weak men the only way
To win eternal peace.

According to Solzhenitsyn, Silin also displayed a gentle meekness to all who crossed his path, despite the extraordinary harshness of his lot.
... A hint as to how Christianity survived under Communist oppression, as well as a suggestion why the reasons for that survival could define a turning point in the world history of Christianity, are contained in part of what Solzhenitsyn reported about his friend Anatoly Vasilyevich Silin.

'Before the war Anatoly Vasilyevich had graduated from a teacher' college, where he had specialized in literature. Like me, he now had about three years left before his "release" to a place of banishment. His only training was as a teacher of literature in schools. It seemed rather improbable that ex-prisoners like us would be allowed into schools. But if we were- what then.
"I won't put lies into children's heads! I shall tell the children the truth about God and the life of the Spirit."
"But they'll take you away after the first lesson."
Silin lowered his head and answered quietly: "Let them."' "

WOAH. Considering that his man had no formal training in the gospel and, as it sounds, no Bible even, His Faith Was So Strong. I'm so inspired by this man who had nothing, yet would do anything to spread the world of the Lord. My Mind= BLOWN.

The last thing that really got to me at the end of this book was this final quote:
"The church survives by the grace of God, not because of the wisdom, purity, or consistent faithfulness of Christians."


What a merciful Father we have! He doesn't need us, but out of His grace and mercy, He continues the church so that we may be in awe of Him, Glorify Him and Enjoy Him Forever.

Well. This is my last post as a high school student. Whatever the next post will be, it will be as a free woman. After August 25th, any post will be as a college student.

This is what I want my summer to look like.

SOLI DEO GLORIA.

inspiration is key

I've made a list. A list of what I'm inspired by Right.Now.

Here it is:

#1- Psalm 46:10

#2- John and Idelette Calvin

#3- New York City

#4- Emma Stone

#5- Madeleine L'Engle

#6- C.S. Lewis

#7- my Fred Astaire Pandora Station

#8- My Blog: An Ode To Glitter

#9- Church History.. History in general

#10- This album

What inspires you right now? Tell the world below.

“Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it.” -C.S.Lewis, Mere Christianity

quote tiiiiime

I'm sorry that I've been a bit absent recently, I've been very busy and have not been very inspired. But I thought I'd stop by quick and post a photo I found on pinterest that I just happened to read in Weight of Glory by C.S.Lewis. I'm in love with this:

Inspiration of the Day

Pursuit of Knowledge and Beauty

"I mean the pursuit of knowledge and beauty, in a sense, for their own sake, but in a sense which does not exclude their being for God's sake. An appetite for these things exists in the human mind, and God makes no appetite in vain. We can therefore pursue knowledge as such, and beauty as such, in the sure confidence that by so doing we are either advancing to the vision of God ourselves or indirectly helping others to do so." -C.S.Lewis

Re-Humanizing. And Paused.

So yesterday at church my pastor was talking about those pauses we feel before a change God is bringing. Our sermon series right now is focusing on the appearances Christ made after his resurrection. It's a wonderful series, just seeing God show himself to his followers who were so broken. Anyway, yesterday's sermon was based on John 21: 1-14, when Jesus appeared to the disciples on the Sea of Galilee. Anyway, I was just thinking this morning about what my pastor said about the pauses.
I feel paused. Paused, yet still moving. I am in the same place I have been in for the last year, but I feel that quiver of something new coming. I'm ridiculously busy, but I feel paused. I'm waiting for God to press the play button.

This morning my mom emailed me an article and I wanted to share a part that really stuck out to me.

"Do you get it? The point of being Christian is not to be super-spritual. It's to be re-humanized. Returned to our God-given, human task of loving Him and loving others."

^^I forget this a lot.

Saturday night, my friends and I had a bonfire. We're all done our outside classes, so getting together that night was kind of a victory statement of "Holla! We're done! We've arrived! We're still friends after all these years of dying at the hands of school!" lots of singing, laughing and dancing around while eating pizza.

Favorite outfit of the day. I'm excited to move to New York.

Song of the Week.

Thanks for reading my random thoughts.

Have a fantastic Monday....now. back to school.

The Recognition of Who God Is is a Lifelong Process

Is it normal to be this distraught over the fact that I only have twenty pages left in my journal?

...well... hopefully it is. I'm pretty upset.

The last time I kept a journal was during my freshman year of high school. The only reason I haven't burned it yet is because I want to give it to a future daughter to show her how stupid I was and (hopefully) to help her avoid making the same mistakes I did. If I wasn't saving it for that reason.. it would be gone by now.
It took me awhile to come back to journaling. I just felt stupid every time I tried, afraid that I was going to be shallow and lame and only write about how my day was and boys and etc.
But in February of 2011, I was apparently really depressed and I found this journal that my grandmother had given me and I wrote this poem. I also wrote this quote beside the poem: "We learn to look to the past to see the victory He's won and we look to the future with hope."
This quote isn't just about the Bible and our walk with the Lord, but I think it also sums up my journal. I look back every now and then to see if I wrote anything on the specific day, and it's so encouraging to see how much I've grown. I've grown in my relationship with the Lord, my understanding of Him, and my knowledge of life.
My journal is full of quotes that I find inspiring, Bible verses, poems and stories that I have written in order to get my feelings out. It's full of joy and sorrow, songs and screams. I don't write in it every day. I only write when I feel inspired or down trodden. But the Lord has met me there, in this little red book.

Elizabeth Elliot said that "the recognition of who God is is a lifelong process." C.S. Lewis also said that "when you come to know God, the initiative lies on his side. If he does not show himself, nothing you can do will enable you to find him."
It is through this book and my writing down my thoughts and desires that I have continued this life-long process. And, by answering my prayers, God has shown himself to me through this book.

I think that's why I am so sad that I'm almost finished. Of course, I'm excited to see what the Lord will do in my life during this next year and what He will show me while I write in the new moleskin I just bought. But I'm sad to finish this chapter of growth.
Unlike the journal that I kept in ninth grade, I will NOT be contemplating burning this book. This one will have a loving home on my shelf. Unlike the journal written freshman year, This book will be going to college with me.

Do you have a little red book? What has the Lord been showing you recently?
love, CA

Die so you can Live

CHRIST IS RISEN!!!

Happy day after Easter :) I hope you all had a blessed day full of Jesus' resurrection and brightly colored eggs. Maybe some chocolate bunnies too. I wanted to share some thoughts from the sermon my pastor preached on sunday. I was struck when he said that we take the fact that Jesus raised from the grave for granted. We have lost the joy of the resurrection! It's so true! I don't think about the resurrection half as much as I should, let alone let it effect my life the way it should. The gospel should fill us with joy and awe everyday (as should faith and repentance). Something else my pastor talked about was the distinction between travelers and tourists. Daniel J. Boorstin says "The traveler was active; he went strenuously in search of people, of adventure, of experience. The tourist is passive; he expects interesting things to happen to him. He goes 'sight-seeing'" G. K. Chesterton also tackles this subject by stating that "the traveler sees what he sees, the tourist sees what he has come to see". My pastor said that travelers immerse themselves the in culture, learn the language and is apart of the place they go to when a tourist barely learns the language and collects stories and souvenirs to take home with them. He compared this idea to the idea of disciples vs believers. We have stopped calling christians "disciples" and instead call them "believers" now. A disciple is a traveler, he immerses himself in the Word and lives it out, learning the language and customs. A believer is a tourist, just passing though, collecting $200 at Go and taking stories back home. I want to be a Traveler, I want to be a Disciple. <- new challenge. If the resurrection is real, than we need to stop being tourists and become avid travelers.

The rest of Easter was spent eating ham, collecting eggs, wearing pretty dresses, and telling my family about my china trip.

Maggie and I egg hunting

my bestie, Danika, and I at church

HAPPY MONDAY EVERYONE!!!

xoxoME

Tertullian

Today, while I was reading Feminine Threads (which I talked about here), I came across a quote from the early church father Tertullian. I just had a share it. I've decided that I want this read at my wedding.

"How can I paint the happiness of a marriage which the church ratifies, the oblation celebration of communion confirms, the benediction seals, angels announce, the Father declares valid? Even upon earth, indeed, sons do not marry without the consent of their fathers. What a marriage that is between two believers! They have one hope, one desire, one way of life, one religion. They are brother and sister, both fellow servants, not divided in flesh or in spirit- truly 'two in one flesh,' for where is one flesh there is also one spirit. They pray together; they prostrate together; they carry out fasts together. They instruct one another and exhort one another. Side by side they are present in the church of God and at the banquet of God; they are side by side in difficulties and in consolations. Neither ever hides things from the other; neither avoids the other; neither is a grief to the other. Freely the sick are visited and the poor are sustained. Without anxiety, misgiving, or hinderance from the other, they give alms, attend the sacrifices [of the church], perform their daily duties [of piety]. They are not secretive about among the sign of the cross; they are not fearful in greetings; they are not silent in giving benedictions. They sing psalms and hymns on to the other; they challenge each other as to who better sings to God. When Christ sees and hears such things, he rejoices. He gives them his peace. Where two are together in his name, there is he, and where he is, there the evil one cannot come."

I hope you find this as beautiful and encouraging as I do! Happy Monday.

C.A.

{picture found on pinterest}

Psalm 16:11

{typographic verses}

Monday Exercise, Physically and Spiritually.

I have discovered the secret to having a good monday. Work out. seriously. I know it sucks to get up early and go to the gym but it's amazing how awesome I feel the rest of the day after doing that.

I got up around 6:45 this morning and was at the gym by 7:15 and on the treadmill. I got home around 8 and dove into life. After showering, making my bed, doing my morning devotions, and eating a filling breakfast (scrambled eggs and a bowl of blueberries) I was able to dive into school. I have gotten so much done today! That's the best feeling ever.

I have a hard time staying focused but after exercising in the morning and sticking to a schedule throughout the day, I am able to stay focused and get a lot done (which is very satisfying). I challenge you to do the same. You will feel amazing.

But enough about my amazing morning. Ha. I do have something specific to say, really I do.

For my Church History class I'm reading a book called Feminine Threads: Women in the Tapestry of Christian History by Diana Lynn Severance. I've only read the first chapter so far and I'm already in love. To give you an idea of what the book is about, here is the back of the book:

"From commoner to queen, the women in this book embraced the freedom and the power for he Gospel in making their unique contributions to the unfolding of history. The true story of women in Christian history inspires, challenges and demonstrates the grace of God producing much fruit throughout time."

Anyway, I wanted to share some of my favorite passages that I found today in the first chapter with you. The beginning of the chapter talks about the women in Jesus' genealogy. It mentions how really only five are named specifically: Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, Bathsheba, and Mary. It also talked about how the first three are Gentiles and three are known for their immorality.

"Tamar was a Canaanite widow who played the part of a prostitute to seduce her father-in-law Judah, compelling him to protect her and provide her with children. Rahab had been a prostitute before she came to worship the God of Israel. Ruth was a Moabitess who also came to worship the God of Israel and married into Boaz's family in Bethlehem. Bathsheba was the wife of a Hittite and committed adultery with King David, later becoming the mother of Solomon, the greatest King of Israel. Whatever social, moral, or racial stigmas these women once faced, they are part of Jesus' genealogical record. From positions of disgrace they were elevated to places of usefulness and honor." (pg. 17-18)

I love the fact that Jesus' could've chosen to be apart of a blameless, perfect Jewish line of people. But he came through a line what was defiled with women who were disgraceful at first, before worshiping God. Not only did Jesus humble himself by becoming human, he humbled himself by becoming human through a genealogy that was disgraced. That is so amazing me.

Further in the chapter, it talked about how Paul said that the married should stay married and the single stay single. This passage really struck me and was encouraging.:

"The idea that singleness could be an honorable option for women was revolutionary. Yet, logically, it made sense. Freedom to choose marriage or a single life devoted to Christ enhanced a woman's position individually, because marriage and family were no longer requirements for a woman's self-worth. All was relative to the ultimate foal of living a Christ-pleasing life. The world was passing away, and everything was less important than a life lived for Christ. Remaining single allowed one to be consumed by the things of Christ and not by the things of the world. Singleness was a gift from God as was marriage; and marriage was good, as was singleness." (pg. 29)

I feel like the statement above ^^ is, in Christian circles, often discouraged. Marriage is the "thing". But being single is just as good in God's eyes. One is not better than the other.

The last section I want to share is sort of long I know but I didn't want to paraphrase it cuz it's just so good.

"Many in the twenty-first century are offended by Paul's instructions concerning the place of women in the Church. Some say Paul is simply conforming to his culture by suppressing women and not giving them authority in the Church. This is hardly consistent with Paul's personal, working relationship with women and his earlier statements of the woman's spiritual equality and her godly submission to her husband. By grasping at authority and position for women in the Church, many fail to realize that in Christianity , the position of a humble servant- washing the saints' feet as Jesus did- is the highest position... As Eve in the Garden focused on the fruit of the one tree she was forbidden to eat, so many who claim women should be priests and ordained ministers focus on the Scripture's prohibition of women assuming authority over men. In doing so they ignore or demean the numerous roles and positions of ministry for women in the New Testament, including ministries of showing hospitality, fellow-laboring as missionaries, instructing other women, evangelizing and sharing the Word with others, teaching children, and help;ing those in need and distress. In these ministries of serving others, women in the earliest churches set a pattern and examples followed by Christian women in ensuing centuries of the Church." (pg. 36)

The main thing I realized from this chapter that I had never really noticed before is the fact that women were just as involved in the early church ministry as the apostles and men were. They were just as much missionaries as women now are. God was using women in the expansion plan in the beginning just as He is now. How Cool!! I'm so blown away by what these early Christian women did. I can't wait to see what the rest of this book holds! You can be sure that if anything else pops out at me, like these passages did, that I'll share them.

I hope you had a marvelous Monday, even though it is a Monday.

God Bless,

C.A.

the Esther paradox

"The great paradox of Esther is that God is omnipotently present even where God is most conspicuously absent. Jesus' last words were 'Go and make disciples of all nations... And surly I am with you always, to the very end of the age' (Matthew 28:19-20). And then, ironically, he left! Nevertheless, our Lord is omnipotently present even where he is most conspicuously absent."

-Karen H. Jobe.

{I think this can be said of now as well as in Esther's time}

happiness to crown you

"God has in himself all power to defend you, all wisdom to direct you, all mercy to pardon you, all grace to enrich you, all righteousness to clothe you, all goodness to supply you, and all happiness to crown you." -Thomas Brooks

food

{photo by me. click it and it will enlarge.}

10.5.Quotation